Guide
How to write a first letter to someone you're getting to know
A good first letter is not clever. It is specific, it shows you read what the other person wrote, and it ends with a question that is easy to answer well.
A four-part structure that works
- A greeting that sounds like you. A name and one short sentence. Skip "Hey" followed by nothing.
- One small, true thing about your day or week. Something concrete: what you ate, fixed, read, noticed. Specifics are what make a letter feel written by a person.
- A connection to something they said. If you only know a shared interest, refer to it directly. If you have their letter, quote a detail.
- One open question. Not "what do you do for fun?", which invites a list. Try "what is the best example of that you have ever had?", which invites a story.
Three examples, each under 500 characters
These are written to fit within a 500-character limit, which is the cap Linger Letters uses. Change the details to fit your own life; do not paste them.
Hi Sam. I will go first, since someone has to. I spent most of today trying to fix a bike that has been broken for a month, and I got as far as learning what a derailleur is. Small win. We both said we like long walks, so tell me: what is the best walk you have ever taken, and who were you with? I would like to hear it properly, not the short version.353 characters. A first letter, with a shared interest.
Hello Ada. My honest answer to the prompt: I changed my mind about being a morning person. I used to say it with pride, and now I mostly say it with coffee. What is something you were certain about two years ago that you are less sure of now? No rush. I am happy to wait for tomorrow's letter.293 characters. Answering a prompt honestly and asking one back.
Dear Tunde. Thank you for yesterday's letter about the market near your grandmother's house. I read it twice. I grew up near a place like that, and the smell of fried plantain still stops me in the street. What is a place that makes you feel like a kid again? I will tell you mine in exchange.293 characters. A reply that builds on what the other person wrote.
What to leave out
- Your whole life story. You have seven days. Leave something for tomorrow.
- Interview questions. Three questions in a row feels like a form. One good question is better.
- Compliments about appearance. They are easy to send and hard to answer. A compliment about something they said lands better.
- Pressure. Phrases like "you never replied" or "I need an answer" kill the tone. A slow exchange only works if both people feel unhurried.
- Contact details. Keep your phone number, handles and address out of early letters. Linger Letters screens for contact details in letters for this reason, and it is a sensible habit anywhere.
If you are stuck
Start from a prompt. A good prompt gives you a question to answer and one to ask in return. Try one from 25 questions for a thoughtful written exchange.
Editing checklist
- Could this letter only have been written by you? If it could be sent to anyone, add a detail.
- Does it contain a question that needs more than a yes or no?
- Would you be happy to receive it?
- Is it under the length you promised yourself? Short and specific beats long and general.